


After The Fall, We Heal

by ElysiumsFalling



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Destroy Ending, Feelings, Gen, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 09:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16531580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElysiumsFalling/pseuds/ElysiumsFalling





	After The Fall, We Heal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pedanticsoothsayer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pedanticsoothsayer/gifts).



The melodic beep, beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor lulled Hannah Shepard into a sort of detached trance. John’s heart was beating, he was alive, but that was a small comfort when faced with the full ramifications of her son’s condition. Anyone else, she’d convinced herself, would be dead now. Considering.

The explosion on the Citadel had left John burned and broken. The doctors had placed him in a medically induced coma to give his body time to heal and there was a machine breathing for him. Brain and spinal damage had been hinted at. 

John was alive, though, it wasn’t promised that he’d be the same man upon waking and Hannah wasn’t certain she was ready for that. She wasn’t certain if either of them were. The Alliance, the life of a soldier, it was all they knew. It was all they’d ever known. Where did they go from here if they couldn’t be what they’d always been? He’d died once already and perhaps…

Hannah sighed, shook herself from her thoughts and stood. She pressed a kiss to John’s forehead, then headed for the door. If she didn’t get some fresh air she’d go mad.

“Hannah,” a familiar voice greeted when she stepped into the hallway and Hannah stopped outside the door. Hackett was a few feet away, hat in hand, looking none the worse for wear, save for lost sleep that no one had been getting lately.

“Steven,” she greeted and she hadn’t intended it to sound as cold as it had, but here they were.

He took a few steps toward her, gaze steady, but she could tell he was just as uncomfortable as she was; possibly more. 

“I just, I wanted to check in. See how he was doing. I should have come by sooner but…”

“But you’ve had your hands full,” Hannah finished for him. “You’re the man in charge after all.”

Hackett nodded. “There’s a lot to be done. A lot of rebuilding and restructuring.”

Hannah’s hands fisted at her sides. She could still hear the beeping of the heart monitor from the hall and it was making her lightheaded.

“Hannah, I… I just wanted to say that I’m sor…”

The resounding crack of hand hitting flesh filled the space between them and for a moment, Hackett and Hannah simply stared at each other. Her hand shook, suspended in the air in front of her chest, throbbing from the impact. Hackett’s jaw clenched shut, cheek reddening from the slap.

“I’m sorry, Hannah,” Hackett stated softly when the tension between them seemed it might burst.

Hannah shook her head involuntarily. “You don’t get to be sorry,” she said through gritted teeth. “You’re the one who sent him up there. You’re the one responsible.”

“It had to be done, Hannah. You know that. If there had been any other way…”

“There was another way!” she bellowed and some of the secondary sounds in the hallway quieted. People stopped to watch them and Hannah couldn’t be bothered to care. “You could have sent someone else! Anyone else! He’d done enough!”

“We sent entire squads, Hannah,” Hackett countered. “John was the only one to make it.”

She slapped him again and with it came the tears. “You should have done more!” she raged. “He’d died once for you already! He saved us from Sovereign! Saved your stupid Council not that they ever gave a damn or showed their thanks! He saved us from the Collectors with no thanks from any of you and all you could do was send him out to die again! He was a good soldier and a good son and you took him from me again!”

Hackett stepped in, wrapped his arms around Hannah’s trembling shoulders and though she tried to push him away, he held her tight.

“I know,” he whispered, rocking her gently where they stood. “I know.”

Hannah dissolved in his arms, body tired of the constant vigil and mind screaming from too many emotions to face all at once. She’d barely slept since the end of the war and her son’s discovery on what was left of the Citadel. And though she knew that this was the life they’d all signed up for, she’d needed someone to blame and Steven was there. He was the man who’d made the call.

“He saved us all, Hannah,” Hackett murmured softly. “Billions of people. I know that’s cold comfort given the outcome, but I also know that we’re both damn proud of everything he’s done. Because it was always going to be him, Hannah. John was the only one who could have gotten it done. We both know that.”

Hannah didn’t respond more than pushing free of his hold and wiping at her eyes. As angry as she was at Steven and everyone else, she was angry at herself too. She was a soldier, damn it. She didn’t break down like that. She hadn’t after her husband’s death or after John had been reported K.I.A. the first time. She’d mourned in her way and carried on. Now shouldn’t be any different. But it was. For some reason, it was.

“I told him I was proud of him,” she mumbled, turning back to stare at her son through the still open door. “I encouraged him to go out there and do whatever it took. And look at him.” 

Hackett stepped up behind her, placed his hand on her shoulder and Hannah shook her head. “They said he may not walk again, Steven. That there could be brain damage. I don’t… how is he supposed to come back from this? He’s so broken and I can’t fix him and I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t… I hate myself because I want to be out there picking up the pieces with everyone else and instead I’m stuck here, watching a machine breathe for my son and hoping that when he wakes up his body doesn’t betray him. I hate myself because… because a part of me wishes he’d died up there. Because maybe that would have been better than this.”

Hackett squeezed her shoulder. “Maybe, but I think we both know if there’s anyone who can make it through this, it’s him. John’s a fighter. He’s strong. And we’re going to do everything in our power to make sure he gets the best care possible.

Hannah could only nod and take in a deep, shuddering breath. Hackett squeezed her shoulder again, then dropped his hand away.

“He’s taken care of us these last few years. Done more than most. Now it’s our turn to take care of him,” he told her and Hannah nodded again.

“He’ll be okay. Won’t he, Steven?” she asked quietly.

“If I know, John, he’ll come through stronger and more resilient than he was before,” Hackett replied. “He doesn’t know how to die.”

Hannah chuckled, slightly breathless and feeling more tired than she had before. 

“Come on,” Hackett said and cupped her elbow. “Let’s get you some food. You’ll be no good to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself.”

Hannah nodded, took one last look at her son, and then let herself be led down the hallway. Life had resumed around them; nurses were busying themselves with their day to day tasks, doctors were visiting other patients, family members were watching over their own fallen loved ones.

At the elevator, Hannah smiled when the door slid open to reveal Vega and Cortez hand in hand. Both men snapped to attention at the sight of them, but Hackett waved them off with a quick salute. 

“Gentleman,” he greeted with a nod.

“John will be happy to hear both of your voices,” Hannah told them. “Keep him company for me for a while, okay? Steven here is going to treat me to dinner.”

Vega nodded; Cortez’s hand back in his now that everyone was at ease. “Will do, ma’am.”

They watched as John’s friends made their way down the hall and Hannah knew that by the end of the day half the crew would be in there to see him.

“He’s lucky,” Hannah said as Hackett and she stepped onto the elevator. “They all love him.”

Hackett nodded and pushed the button for the first floor. “He’ll lead us all one day, Hannah,” he told her, not a hint of doubt in his words. “Have no doubt about that.”

“I don’t,” she assured him. “But let’s just focus on making it through the night. I don’t think my nerves can take any more than that right now.”

Hackett smiled and nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

Hannah smiled as well, anger long faded. They’d make it through this. She had to believe that now more than anything else. For John. 


End file.
